The Hook
Where Keith tries to discover what will bring them back (or at least download)
Another day, another exercise from Bob Walsh's book, "Micro ISV Sites that Sell". One of the best things about this exercise is that it's the last! I've definitely taken a lot from these guys, but it's time to stop exercising and start executing. Today's goal: The Hook. What can i say in < 50 words that will get visitors to want to download and try MercuryMover (our program that lets you move and resize windows on your Mac from your keyboard). Taking into account everything that i think i know about my customers, and what will appeal to them, here's my first draft:
MercuryMover reduces friction when you use your Mac. With MercuryMover, you can move and resize windows on your Mac from the keyboard; position them precisely where you want. By shunning the slow and imprecise mouse, MercuryMover empowers you to work faster and play more.
At 44 words, this isn't too bad. We appeal to users who prefer the keyboard and attempt to answer what MercuryMover will do for them. And what exactly is that? Until now, i've been selling MercuryMover by it's feature's ("Move and resize any window on your Mac with your keyboard"). While MercuryMover does do that, what it does for you is it makes you faster and removes something frustrating from your work.
I liked that phrase about friction, but it seems like i could cut this down by cutting it out:
By shunning the slow and imprecise mouse, MercuryMover empowers you to work faster and play more. With MercuryMover, you can move and resize almost any window on your Mac from the keyboard, positioning them precisely where you want.
Now at 38 words we're leaner and more focused. Can i say that more succinctly and clearly? I didn't think so, but literally while working on this post, i came up with this:
Don't let your mouse slow you down! With MercuryMover, you can move and resize almost any window on your Mac from the keyboard, positioning them precisely on your screen.
29 words and sounding better. If you wanted to be faster and less frustrated, wouldn't you try MercuryMover?